Awhile back, I was asked by a young man who was from a badly broken home, how do you honor your mother and father when they have abused you? I told him to pray for them, that this was how he could best honor them. He then asked me about the matrimonial union. He worked for a family law firm dealing with many divorces. I reminded him that marriage is a vocation, which means it is one of the roads we take to God, hence the reason for selecting someone who will help you on that road. This is the reason for picking someone who believes as you do, that you mutually understand the nature of what God expects of the union. No vocation is easy, but each has its rewards for those who are faithful to their vocation. Whether or not you agree with me, these are my thoughts on the subject of christian marriage.
In this country, we have become a nation of selfishness. This is the "ME" generation. This is why people drive like maniacs to get ahead of other drivers, why they treat each other rudely, and why they step on others to get ahead in their careers, etc. Often people don't give gifts without hooks, as it were. They want something back from the person or organization that they give to, rather than giving because they have more than they need. When God gives blessings of wealth, health, etc, He expects us to be generous with those gifts with others. When we stand before Him, He will ask us what we did with the gifts He gave us.
In my Church, we are taught to believe that in marriage that the two become one flesh in the sight of God. Society loves to water this down. My parents were married for 42 years before my mother died. My parents understood the marriage vocation in a way that few today seem to see. They lived the marriage vocation as God first, spouse next, and children, with self being last. This order must be observed or the balance can be a difficult one.
My mother let it be known to us, while she was very attentive to us, that my father came ahead of us in the proper order of things. I later came to realize that this meant that the spouse must never be neglected in favor of the children. Both parents must work together with the children, never neglecting each other. A lot of my friends' marriages fell apart after the kids came along because one or both of the spouses neglected the other in favor of the children.
As Christ is the Bridegroom and Head of the bride, His Church, so in the nuptials, the man represents Christ and the woman represents the Church. Traditionally, the man is the head of the household in representation of this, but this does not mean that the woman is of lesser importance, or value. Her place is equally as great. Marriage is a sacrifice, as well as great joy. Without the sacrifice, there would be no great joy.
Many people today seem to have the expectation that if they decide they don't like it after they try it, they can just bail out. In scripture, our Blessed Lord is very clear, "What I have joined together, let no man put asunder." You can bail out of dating or courtship, but once you are married in the sight of God, you are married in the sight of God. Traditionally, there are very few exceptions to this. Some of them are described in scripture, such as immorality.
I have a friend who began dating a man that she liked very much, but all I began hearing from her was about how this habit of his or that habit of his, was going to have to change. I told her, he is not broken, you cannot fix him into what you want him to be. You either accept him for who he actually is, or let him go. People are real, they are not fantasies, you cannot make them over into your dream lover. They either are who you want or they aren't. You should never go into any relationship expecting the other person to change for you. This idea that you will make the other person change stems from selfishness.
My father used to say that you can't buy a horse with a limp and expect to cure it. My Aunt Carol never married. She was once engaged to the man of her dreams, but he had a big problem that she could do nothing about. He was a violent alcoholic, and he was not interested in stopping. Knowing this, she could have married him anyway, but she chose to let him go. Everyone has problems, and no one is perfect, but you need to know your own limitations on what you can handle that you know about beforehand. People will develop problems throughout their lives, this means that when the going gets tough, you don't bail out. There will always be crosses in any vocation, you don't quit marriage when things become difficult.
The following story was related to me by an elderly priest I helped to take care of. One young woman, after a short courtship of a few months, married the man of her dreams on a saturday. On the following day, she was at the rectory asking the priest about an annullment. She had married the man, not knowing that he had also a homosexual lover. He had hidden it from her until their wedding night, and the marriage was never consumated. Marriage is never to be taken lightly or blindly. A few short months is never enough time to know someone well before you marry them. A good amount of time spent together is necessary.
In my own experience, I was also engaged once. My fiance' hid from me the fact that he was also a very violent alcoholic. He was in a big hurry to get married after just a few short months. I pushed it back and that's when his demons came out, violently. It is important for people to be themselves. Lies may not be seen by the unsuspecting, but they will always be seen by God. God is always watching, and He sees everything. Pray for the right person and God will provide for your vocation, be it marriage, single life or clerical.
The author can be reached at minima1 (at) att (dot) net
You can also visit http://www.biblegateway.com/ to do a search of scripture. - Get more articles at Read Articles.com
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